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Hessian Blitz
10th September 2011, 09:50 PM
“The Whining Road to BF3”

Fighting his way through BC2 has been hard, lessons learnt and the R.E.G.E.N unit used too often.

BUT its like riding a bike or a $5, I love you long time, Shanghai whore. The soldier with his trusty side kick Fuzzel’s by his side slowly gets back into the groove. He knows that indeed the speed has ebbed away with the years. The soldier hums “Another 1Bites the Dust” as he buzz kills retep5 trying to take Charlie point. ( Yea right, in my dreams )

Fuzzel’s looks up and waves his “I want retep5 babies” placard in the back ground.

HB, pull’s out his 412 revolver and shoots Fuzzel’s in the face. This makes him feel much better.

No “Run N Gun” here for Hessian with the increase in age means a more strategic, tactical and cunning approach so he can survive in game. As for Fuzzel’s he loves R-N-G style of fight with a fast scampering pace he deals out death to all enemies of the BAM clan.

The soldier likes the look of the news that is being released about BF3 so far. But has found that player’s expectations are set at an altitude where oxygen starvation is the norm and there’s a heap of starved players out there. Other players whine, like a supercharger set on max. About this, that and all that’s wrong with the upcoming BF3 and the beta is not even out. BUT remember friends. Not so long you would be playing GALACTIC BOUNTY HUNTER, which was loaded by “cassette“.

Talking about whining, what’s the difference between fighter pilot’s and the jets they fly? The plane stops whining when you shut down the engines, though the whining will continue from the guy at the end of the queue waiting for the next jet to spawn in BF3.

The soldier has concerns regarding the craze of DLC content; he can see this getting out of hand in a big way and quickly. He’s willing to part with his cash for new maps so the game does not become stagnant but for an extra gun or two – NO WAY.

To pay for DLC content Fuzzel’s has come up with another idea for cash. As pre orders for the FASCINATOR have been slow. From reading the BF3 forums there is a need for this service for the seemingly large numbers of sexually frustrated players in BF land.

Just ring 0800 FURY BONDAGE, yes Fuzzels will be you’re on call dominatrix. Charges do apply for B&D sessions for all naughty BF players. Got pawned by another player give them a gift certificate.

If you have a fetish for being stabbed, spawn raped, camped like a dirt engineer, buggered by a buggy, getting a load in the face and C4 rammed up ya private bits then Fuzzels is your dominatrix squirrel.

Fuzzels appears with dettol and wire brush so his coat will be look its best for his customers.

A one week introductory offer for half price sessions will be at Charlie flag on the Oasis map.

Oh you lucky BF players if you’re so inclined and who am I to judge the other clans for being a perverted bunch of rear engineers.

BF3, Fury Dominatrix Sessions, Bring it ???

SheepShagger556
10th September 2011, 10:27 PM
wall of text crits you with 100 dmg.


TL;DR

5tacK
10th September 2011, 10:47 PM
When ever I read your story rambles, I hear the words in my head in this voice/style:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lYyCEfoFQM

Hessian Blitz
19th September 2011, 09:53 PM
Horse Race of "Sodomy", Racing Commentry.

They’re in the starting gate’s folks, all bound up and rearing to go. There has been some confusion with who was going to mount who and the blacked out goggles don’t make it any easier for the jockeys. Gimp masks on, with whips at the ready. Munching on their bits ready for this session to start and then of course this great race to get underway.

There off and racing, whips being used early on to good effect. It’s too much for “Pre Ejaculation” who has lost his jockey load due to over excitement. The jockey Mr Freak is screaming for some more whip action to get his horse “Big Dildo” to the inside running alongside “It’s to Big”. 5tack on “Scared Sh&#@%ss” has a good turn of speed on and will need it as “B&D” ridden by Fuzzel’s is trying hard to chase him down. That slippery stallion “Tube of Lube” is losing traction as he tries to squeeze into a tight gap for a sticky passing maneuver at the rear of the field.

As they come around the first corner “Sodomy” is all over the place and running rampant. “Huffing and Puffing” is heard to whinny with excitement as the stirrups are being used liberally on her private parts. “Missionary Man” seems to be stuck in the same position in the middle of pack and never really shows any flare. As “Bum Action” gets out there on the edge with “Mr Reach Around” taking hold and coming on the inside for a quick passing run.

Yadda yadda yadda ........

I hope I don’t get punished for this, on the other hand!.